Monday, December 21, 2009

Mindspill: Own Up

The feeling that I'm fuckin up,
fallin down, dreaming king before the crown,
trying to balance the scale of name and claim,
the root of my effort is to blame, what is of worth for it,
a fear of going all in and still coming up with nothing,
but I have nothing as I'm here in the middle,
within clutches but keeps slipping, so that means I'm trying,
right? more like fright,
I finally get my chance at bat and I freeze up? Not like me,
so what's the problem?
Acknowledging it is just like me, it's how I operate,
getting by without having to go all in, scared of my own devastation
to a notion of who I think I am,
so that if it doesn't fall through it's only because I just didn't go all in,
but not that
I wasn't good enough.
The real fear, and so arrogant.
Lord, forgive me.

"Do you really want to win or just look good losing?" - Phonte

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